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Tentacle fiction (or number 1 for no reason)

Originally published at Cogs & Neurons. You can comment here or there.

I recently installed some web stat tracking stuff on this site – because I’ve had it for about 3 years, and it felt like time I should get round to it.  But I noticed that about once a day I get a hit for “tentacle fiction.”  So I checked that out, and apparently this site gives you the number 1 result when you google “tentacle fiction.”  (Now that shit is going on my resume).  However, the page it gives you gives a link to a dead page on the daily cabal site.  Which makes me feel bad for all the lovers of tentacle fiction that this site is screwing over.  So, for those people, and for anyone else – this is the story you should have seen:


The Ballad of Octavia and Mr Head

It’s a beautiful thing.

Some people have a hole in themselves. Mr Head had a hole in himself. It was in his face. People found it off-putting. Women found it off-putting. They could not stare lovingly into his eyes. He had no eyes. He had a hole. They could not stare lovingly into a hole. Rather they tended to scream and run away.

This made Mr Head lonely. Loneliness made him cruel. He was especially cruel to cats. Cats tended to try and crawl up his leg and go to sleep in his hole.

Octavia had a hole in herself. It was in her soul. She had no soul. She had a vacant parking lot where her soul should be. She was cruel to many things. Cats included.

One day Mr Head met Octavia.

Octavia did not scream. She did not run away. Instead she reached out a hand and plucked the cat that was sleeping peacefully in the hole in Mr Head. She opened her mouth and vast tentacles reached out from between lipstick-stained teeth and wrapped around the cat. The tentacles were purple. With a screech the cat was sucked inside.

Suddenly Mr Head felt full. Tentatively, heart quivering, he reached out his hand. Octavia reached out with hers. Barely daring to believe, Mr Head took Octavia’s hand.

Then she ate him.

And she felt full.

It’s a beautiful thing.